Its about me

(via imgTumble)

Haven’t said what’s on my mind in a while so stay. Tuned while I spill out everything. So there’s always a boy in the mix and as of right now there’s two. The first one is just a crush, I know that we will never happen but I just like him because he can always make me laugh. The next boy I didn’t like at first but now I do. Everything was going good with him too. We were talking everyday he came over a couple of times. I finally warmed up to him and let myself be comfortable near him and now he’s not talking to me. He usually writes me everyday but now I get nothing and I can’t think of any reason why but I’m trying to not let it get to me. If it is over whatever it is I’ll move on. I’m not the type to stay attached for long so we’ll see. It’s a shame everytime I get comfortable to the idea of someone becoming a boyfriend or something it flips on me and the person just stops talking to me like I said whatever I don’t need any one in this life besides myself. Next thing is this dumb ass boy that keeps calling me and texting me like really you tried to play me, you did play me and you think thats going to happen again. He doesn’t know that I know what he did but I do and he is fucking crazy if he thinks he’s bouta play me again I do the playing I don’t get played. I can’t believe he thinks so little of me but whatever that’s not going to happen. Next thing on my mind is school nobody understands the fact that I don’t want to go to college like school is not for me my dream is modelling thats what I want for my future and I think that’s what’s most important, to go for what I want. But as always nobody cares what I want everybody but me knows what’s best for me which is so funny cause I raised myself and now everyone has some type of opinion on what I should do with my life smh get out of here with that bull. My life my mistakes if I don’t make it I don’t make it but I have to try. Nexttt FRIENDS what are those cause I don’t think I have any. At this moment right now I think I might have one friend that I see in my future the rest of these people I doubt they even last their time ends as soon as high school ends. I really hope I make it so I can look back and just fucking laugh at these people who think I will be nothing. Please dear God let me make it in this twisted life of mines. Then maybe I’ll be happy for once.

envymary

I’m so lost. I spend so much time wishing I was someone else. I stare at pictures for hours and just wish I was someone more pretty, skinnier, shorter, longer hair, lighter skin, I just want to change it all. I don’t want to be me I don’t want to live this life. If o could change I would, I would change everything about me besides me personality. I would be light skin with long silky hair that gets really curly when wet, I would be rich living the American dream. I would have money to support not only my needs but my wants. Think about it you don’t think it would be nice to see something you want and not worry about the price tag cause I would love that sooo much. You know my English teacher asked my class would you rather have money or love and honestly id rather have money. They say money can’t buy you happiness but money is what makes me happy. I don’t need friends they’re nice to have when not fake but I don’t need them. I don’t need love again nice to have but I don’t need it and if you think I’m lying so be it but as of right now I have people that love me but it doesn’t make me happy knowing that they love me. I know I’m heartless I get it but it’s just the way I think and I can’t change that I guess because I had and still have such a bad depressing life that it just makes me see the world different. Please dont judge me it just my opinion. Money it truly can buy me happiness and I will get what I want someday. I’m going to workout to get my skinny toned body toned being the key word cause I’m already skinny and no I did not starve myself to get this way quit the opposite I’m naturally skinny, I’m going to lighten my skin with products, I’m going to grow heathy hair cause I have good hair it’s just so damaged it makes me sick, and I’m going to get makeup makeup can make almost anybody pretty, last but not least become a famous v.s model and become rich get married have 3 pairs of twins and adopt 1or2 more kids. Yup that’s my goal let’s see what hapoens with it

(via imgTumble)

Thank you

So you guise I have a new crush. It’s not going to go anywhere but I’m happy I’m over that loser that was my “friend with benefits” -___- that’s a shame I thought we were good together but he was a jerk. He had some girl writing on his peg talking bout babe and stuff so I was done with him never am I the type to get played especially not by no dumb boy that gas nothing going for his life except a dream to be a rapper and a barber in this dumb town that I can’t wait to get out of. Anyway my new crush he’s okay in looks but I like him for his personality. He’s so funny and weird just like me. I feel like I can be myself near him and I love that. I know that we will never happen but it’s fun to think about it. I enjoy his company I’m actually trying to get close to him, I have three classes with him plus lunch and I’m always trying to get his attention asking him for work or just joking with him. He makes me smile he always calls me weird but it’s okay cause he’s extremely weird so we have that in common. I hope we get close by the end of the school year even if it’s not as a couple I just want to be his friend a close friend. A relationship wouldn’t be good at this time in my life cause once I graduate I’m going to move and get out of this place. So yea that’s about it for my crush I’m not going to tell y’all his name that’s tmi.

-Bye for now

California I live in new York

Everybody envies. They see the pictures and they say aww that’s going to be what my next relationship. That’s how it’s going to be but all you guise see is the pictures. What do you know that relationship could be a complete mess. A picture says a thousand words but not all of those words are true. You see a beautiful girl and say I wish that was me. That beautiful girl could be the most insecure person you know. You see a petit girl with a caption that says I love my body. That girl could be destroying her body to be that shape. You see a bigger girl showing her skin with this speech under it say how she loves her body. That girl could just be looking for attention the more people that notice that picture and agree with her the more she believes it’s true. All these pictures all those words some true most fake. Next time you see a picture don’t be too quick to say I wish that was me or I want that cause it might nit be what you think